Originally from Quora
Why do people’s online and real-life behavior differ so much, even in the same contexts? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.
Answer by Koyel Bandyopadhyay, Sociologist, and Photographer, on Quora:
Both, and I emphasize, both of our online and offline behavior are real. They are our real selves. One doesn’t get more validity from the other, if real is equated with being genuine or authentic.
Unlike the old snobs, who could be quite candid in their judgments, Instasnobs frown on being explicitly horrid. That gives the game away, and nobody wants that. Instead, everyone is adorable.
Hearts and kisses are posted, alongside smiley faces and sweet little notes about how wonderful everything is. It’s in the private forums such as WhatsApp where the Mitford-style bitchiness happens. The worst insult is the term ‘basic’, the millennial word for vulgar.
Before we get into the issue, the bigger assumption needs to be problematized.
Is online behavior “false” behavior? Why do we assume that we don’t show our “real” face in online behavior, which must be photoshopped beyond duckface selfies?
Why do we assume that the behavior we engage in online, is thrust upon us from external devices of entities, where failing to comply could bring us a penalty of being dead in some ether-chamber through constant torture?
The semantics of “real” is the subject of a more academic discussion, but if we are hung up on the logic of “real” behavior of “real” life as “true”, “authentic”, “unfiltered”, “genuine”, then we are only pulling more wool over our eyes.
This is an assumption on a definition of “real” behavior: that true assessment of a person’s character is made through how we see them with all of our five senses.
Our Behavior Varies According to the Audience
It is just not in online behavior that we put out contrasting behavior and emotions, and not do what we mean.
Therefore, to understand this issue, first we need to recognize the issue that’s right under our nose: we behave according to a risk assessment procedure based on our audience. We are continuously creating and re-creating our selves. This process is both conscious and unconscious.
When the audience changes, our behavior changes accordingly. The extent and accuracy of our self-disclosure changes accordingly.
You might see your friend continuously fight, bicker and talk badly about their spouse, but see a 500-word paragraph status message on their anniversary, professing their love for each other, the content of such being focused on the audience.
It doesn’t matter to them that you know the truth and could call them out.
They know you wouldn’t, because you have the image of a friend to conform to, and nobody wants to be the bad person to people they know in real life.
We tend to reserve being the bad person (aka troll), for the audience we are least likely to meet.
What Does “Being Online” Bring to the Table?
1. The opportunity to become our uninhibited selves.
2. Instant rewards from external validation.
3. The ability to send out our revised, edited and restored drafts of ourselves.
4. The ability to do greater social comparisons and gain more self-awareness.
On the issue of understanding behavior—the basic and handy way to understand it is to see where people are coming from. You might not agree with their position, but you can perfectly see why they do things the way they do. And that will enable you to be more at peace with your skills in forming personality reports of others.
This question originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.
